Narcissists are like the Wizard of Oz, they give the impression of power and control but the core of them is extremely fragile

The Facts

About Narcissism 

A narcissist will spend years love bombing the living daylights out of you.

Love bombing is the way a narcissist makes you think and feel you’re the best thing since sliced bread. However, if you disagree or set a boundary the narcissist will almost always start the devaluing process where they will tell you:

You’ve misunderstood
You’re being too sensitive
Nobody will want you

As well as an array of derogatory comments. They will then discard you and this can take many forms, for example, stonewalling, replacing, cheating, smear campaigns and they can do this over and over again in a relationship. By the time it gets to divorce, you no longer trust your own judgements.

Divorcing a narcissist can be an incredibly painful and traumatic process, and especially so if you don’t truly understand narcissism or how to respond to it. Unfortunately, most people have no idea how to respond to narcissistic behaviour, losing thousands of pounds in court and solicitor fees and ending up feeling completely and utterly broken by the whole process.

If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, by the time the decision has been made to divorce, you will no doubt have lost most of your confidence in your decision-making. Narcissistic abuse is what I think of as the ‘drip drip effect’; it is done subtly and manipulatively to start with, then is ramped up over a sustained period. By the end you will have lost yourself somewhere in the relationship and will have been made to think everything was your fault: you’re not a good spouse, you’re not a good parent, and nothing you do is ever going to be good enough.

Sound familiar?

Now, imagine going through all that and walking into a solicitor’s office already feeling completely broken – with your confidence on the floor – before the divorce has even started happening. This is what I see time and time again. If you’ve managed to find your way to mediation it will no doubt have ended badly as well, as this is just another way for the narcissist to manipulate the system – and most likely, the mediator too. Traditional mediation simply does not work if you’re mediating with a narcissist.

You can’t communicate with a narcissist in the same way you can with other people, the rules are completely different. Let me show you how to communicate more effectively so that you can start to rebuild your power whilst recovering your resilience. 

It is crucial to have someone who understands not only how narcissists think, but also how you feel, which is just as important.

During the court process it is vital to surround yourself with people who believe you, as more often than not, narcissists (in their usual charming and intelligent way) will hoodwink the legal professionals, manipulating them into viewing their partner as being hysterical and exaggerating the problems in their marriage. It can feel like an uphill struggle getting anyone to believe what you have to say in the face of such charm.

Small Steps

Big Changes!

Even without the narcissistic aspect, divorce (and its consequences, especially if you have children together) can be one of the worst things you will ever have to go through, from the financial aspect to the emotional turmoil, which is often spread out over several stressful months or even years. Divorce can leave a person feeling lonely, depressed, and hopeless, and things are often ten times worse if you’re dealing with a narcissist.

You can often feel alone, and like you’re the only person in the world going through it, but that’s simply not true. I can show you how to navigate your divorce and cope with any issues you may come across when dealing with a narcissist. As you progress through your divorce,  the skills and techniques you will learn will last you far beyond your divorce and into your happy, healthy future.